The Journal


CIMG2395This was started as well, Love letters. I have been blessed so much and the good lord saw fit to give me two more daughters and two more sons.  I wanted to tell them who I am , and why.  It has truly been an exercise in love and also a telling of all my secrets good and bad. I have come a long way and have strayed off the path here and there and scurried back.  I just want everyone to know …no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and not everything is a mistake.  Sometimes we think a thing is a mistake and it just an opportunity.  It is the old “Lemons into lemonade” thing.  Sometimes is more bitter then we would like and sometimes too sweet.  That’s life no one is perfect not one.  Being able to grow and learn and say I’m sorry or I forgive you or will you forgive me?, are these giant steps toward total love.  Meanwhile …some times we find our selves with so many lemons that we can really get good at lemon pie, lemon sorbet, lemon curd..you get the idea.

My beautiful step daughter came to see me at work Friday to bring me flowers, just because.  It was a much needed and loved gesture.  Today is her birthday – she has had a tough life and has struggled through so much. The loss of her mother when she was very young and raising a daughter of her own alone.   She has not given in to her bodies pressure to give up in so many ways.  She is working hard and going to nursing school now, as her own amazing daughter (my granddaughter) is in college.  She is my hero, she is beautiful and smart and so compassionate. She is a constant source of pride for me, she has to fight against so much every day and she keeps going – that my friends is a blessed child of God and a cherished flower in my heart.  God bless you pretty lady this anniversary of your birth. All my Love.

This is Memorial Day weekend, my sons are all well and my daughters also.  One son recently back from deployment, and another to go again soon.  We have celebrated the college graduation on two sons this month and two nieces. This   Saturday we will attend the wedding of a third niece and send off a wedding card to the 4th niece in California, and a fifth niece also in California who is graduating from high school.  On top of this it was Mother’s day and soon it will be my birthday and Father’s Day too..I say all this to remind us that we celebrate all these things because of those who we remember this Memorial Day.  God bless each of those in service to our country and those who have given the ultimate sacrifice.  Please this day Lord grant peace, grace and comfort to the families of our military families. God Bless the USA.

My heart is broken and swells with love and pride at the same time.  My beloved son is again in a treatment program for drugs. This time it is the Salvation Army, I pray that this will help him to succeed and be able to get a little further. His prayer is that he will someday be able to have a powerful testimony. I pray God blesses and answers this prayer.  I have no idea at all of what he suffers or how to help, I pray. I pray for me and for him and for his brothers and sisters too, that they can have love for him and terry in prayer often for his needs and for the needs of all addicts. I prepare a birthday card for one of my amazing grandsons today, I pray over this card the he never has to see this kind of life. I pray he is secure in the lord and his faith is His own personal faith.  I pray he is compassionate, and merciful to those who don’t have the support of wonderful parents.  I am not saying that my son’s success or failure was or is because of his parents.  God sees fit for his own reasons to allow us to go where we will as free moral agents, if we follow him it leads to growth and salvation, and Eternal life. If we commit the sin of going our own way,( for that is really what sin is) we loose him or we are used by him if we turn around, as we have to suffer the things that we bring to our lives by trying to live without God.  What stronger teacher than one who has lived the painful, shameful, hurtful life of selfishness. I personally know that God will use the Humble and the Repentant, God uses what we have for what will do the most good. Forgive yourself – for you can certainly not forgive what God forgives.  All things can work together for good for those who love the lord.

I have always written when I was down or confused. Today I found a journal that I had started in 2003 or 4. Selling the Calif. house and moving to Colorado, the kids getting married and having kids, divorce for some and life changes.  Marriage for me and happiness untold.

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